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December 28, 2010

RE: PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

hi moby....  i'm so sad that you're not happy :(  is there anything i can do to change that?  maybe i can stand on my head.  or jump up and down while patting my belly and rubbing the top of my head?  what is it that makes life so sad for you?  you're only 37.  you can't have hit that "i'm not married and don't have kids" crisis yet.  men don't have that until they're in their 40's.  i mean, maybe you're having some health problems.  you did say you were 5'6" and stocky.  but i'm guessing that's not what's keeping you down in the dumps.  i know your family is from iran and that could cause some stress what with all the political turmoil.  but somehow i see you in a different light.  not bogged down by politics and drama.  i mean c'mon, your favorite bar is the tiki-ti in hollywood!  and you've always wanted to go to montana!  you know, if you ever make it there, you could always go cow tipping. :)

well moby, i do hope you cheer up, but i don't think this will help.  you and i?  not written in the stars.  i don't know what speed card is (it's not on my phone) and i don't enjoy being active / hiking / riding bikes / camping / playing sports - i'm more of an eating / sleeping / shopping / sleeping / eating / taking a bath kind of girl.  oh, and i definitely wouldn't let you "row-sham-bow" my grandma for shotgun.  that's a little too competitive for my taste.  what's next?  arm wrestling the pregnant lady on the subway for the last seat?  speaking of which, i had a rather unfortunate subway accident the other day.  i fell on my face just as the train was coming down the tracks and i dropped my blackberry and it went sliding off the platform and onto the tracks just as the train whizzed by.... all i could think of was losing my brickbreaker high score.  luckily the subway attendants were able to recover the phone unscathed.  can you imagine?  brickbreaker score intact.

anyway moby.... find yourself a nice girl with a smart phone.  you'll make a perfect couple.

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